I want to be a rock star! Yup, I want to be in back stage holding my acoustic guitar listening to thousands of screaming and yelling fans begging for an encore. I would then slowly walk back on stage, with spotlight directly on me, I would sit on a stool, take the guitar pick out of my mouth and address the crowd, with a voice of gratitude and humility…I would say…”thank you…” and start strumming a beautiful tune, follow by a song that would move the fans to tears. Not all will be crying though…there will be a few that were dragged to the concert and are refusing to participate due to their bitterness of my success, but deep inside we all know what they are thinking…..”I want to be a rock star too.”
How many people do you know do what they love to do for a living? Or, how many people just love their job? Not too many people I know. Even those I know start out in the field or industry they felt they were destined to be in and even passionate about and they end up tired, stressed and overwhelmed with the pressure of the “job”. Some get bored of the monotonous day to day, 9 to 5 answering emails and putting out fires…it just loses it’s flavor over the years and the passion becomes….just a job.
Sound familiar? This has been the phase I’ve been in for the last 4 years. I can’t shake it off. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my career. In this down economy, I am grateful to be working for a solid company, great benefits and a salary. So why can’t I be okay with that? Isn’t this the life we all wanted? Stability, predictability, security. I worked hard to get here. So why am I feeling the way I am feeling? Do I have this typical entitled mentality that no matter what I am doing or where I am in life, I am dissatisfied and want more?
When is it time to change? Or do I even change at all? From the book “Half Time” by Bob Buford, he lists (3) scenarios that people do during this time of transition: Some simply bear down, reasoning that they need more discipline, more focus. Some turn to diversions, both healthy and reckless. Most, enter a sort of sleepwalking stage during which they force themselves to hold on until retirement. I don’t think any of these options will make the second half of your life better than the first, and they may, in fact, make it worse.
I am searching…to find myself? To find my passion and my destiny? Maybe this has nothing to do with my job/career, maybe it’s something I just need to deal within. In the meantime, I am going to pull out my guitar from the case and work on that strumming of that beautiful tune….for my encore of course.
10 comments: On Need for Change
blame it all on dad….he was always the one never living & relishing the now, but always looking @ the future & planning for it, whatever that “it” was. that’s why you and I are always looking for that “it”!
Yeah, haha. Good thing dad’s not reading my blog. Let’s not stop until we find….”it”.
I LOVE my job! 🙂 And…didn’t you just start a new company? Love you Hanju! Keep writing.
Jacci, Yeah, this was written a year ago. Interesting how everything has changed. I love my job too now!!!
Wow Hanju. I a glad I read this post. Going through many of the same thoughts. Congrats on the new direction.
Thanks Bill. Thanks for reading. Let’s catch up soon.
Got to this point about two years ago….I worked hard for this!?!?! Realized that I didn’t feel relevant…and saying in that spot scared me. The answer to relevancy for me was to live recklessly abandoned to my God. Not to my identity, not to my husband, not to my house or career…..I’ve chosen to live reckless faith for the past two years. Second best decision I’ve ever made. First was accepting Jesus’ free gift of salvation. PS…tell Maria hi!
Wow! Yes! It takes complete surrender to live with reckless faith…I am working on this.
HI Hanju. Wanting more and wanting change doesn’t mean that your dissatisfied in your life. It means you have the drive and ambition to pursue more, and to challenge yourself to make your dream your reality. The thing that scares me more than failure is the thought of looking back on my life and thinking, “If I could do it over again, I would do it differently.” My dad use to say that all the time. I told myself at the end of my life I would look back and say ” If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.” You are such an amazing person!
Heejin, well said. I love this quote by Helen Keller – “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Our best days are ahead and there’s no looking back. You go girl!!
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