I’ve always been a big dreamer. I would daydream and visualize scenarios that seemed unreachable, but I would keep dreaming and thinking about it. Sometimes I’d be obsessed with it, until one day, reality would hit, and then I’d move on to the next dream. A dream that’s more attainable, something more real.

My basketball career had ended my freshmen year, after having too much soreness on my right cheek from sitting on the bench too long.  As a sophomore in high school,  I made the golf team.  This is when my NEW dream began. In my new dream, I was driving a small, red sports car, and I had a bike rack on the top. I was driving along a beautiful street in Hawaii. I’d never been to Hawaii, so I imagined it being very green, tropical and surrounded by waterfalls and lagoons. In my dream, I am attending the University of Hawaii with a full ride golf scholarship, winning tournaments and partying with my new friends. This dream continued for another year as I made the golf team again in my junior year. This time, I was a little more seasoned player because of playing in junior golf tournaments all summer and having a best friend who was a scratch golfer.  We spent day and night practicing, playing, talking and living golf.  I remember bragging about the blisters and wounds I gathered from hitting endless buckets of balls, including into the net in my backyard that my dad and I built. I’d read every book, watched every “how to” VHS video, and imitated every known PGA tour player’s swing on TV. I was now a single digit handicapper (7), and all I needed to do in the the next year was to eliminate 7 strokes out of my golf game, and I was on my way.  Aloooooha!

Well, you know the story, my golf dream never came true, not for Hawaii, not even for my local college. What went wrong? The dream was too big for me. I wasn’t talented enough. I didn’t have the right mental game. I wasn’t a long hitter. I was too short. I didn’t have the right support base. It would cost too much money. I certainly didn’t have the right equipment.The dream wasn’t reachable, it wasn’t real…to me. It was just a dumb dream.

What hinders you from living out your life right now to the fullest of your destiny? What is keeping you from reaching for the big dream? Why are you settling for where you are, or who you are right now? These questions were thrown at me during a Quest workshop I took last week (which by the way, everyone should attend). My first thought was, “Hey, don’t judge me. You don’t know me; I have a great life. I am ambitious, and I reach my goals.” My second and more honest thoughts were…”Yeah, I’ve settled, I’ve made a decision somewhere in my mind that I am only capable of attaining reachable goals, not the unreachable dreams”.

I am on a Quest. A quest to find the answers to my own questions. What keeps me from living out my life to the fullest of my destiny? Why am I so afraid? What am I afraid of? This requires me to reach deep within, to bring out some of the memories I’ve buried, some which are hindering me to live fully. Memories that put me back in a place of darkness where I criticize myself and believe that I just can’t do it.  How can I? I just don’t have the capacity, strength or the talents to achieve it. That’s what I’ve been told anyway. Why do I believe this? Whether I like it or not, whether I know it or not, whether I think I need it or not, healing must come. Healing must come to help me realize who I am, made in His perfect image to do, live and give to the fullest extent of whom He made me to be. So, I am now finally open for this healing to come…so let it come. Let the healing begin.